Help me Understand Him?

I've been with this man for over a year now, he's a widow, he lost his wife a few years back after being married for several years. When I moved in, we battled thru the whole thing of him getting rid of her stuff, that if bothered me, well he finally did that. Out of those things she had a very large jewerly box that irritated me, though I felt guilty for feeling it because for God's sake she was dead, I hated the thought that each item may have been precisly picked for her by him and bought and then given to her to surprise her and make her feel special. Finally he moved this out to the shop, though he hasnt gotten rid of it I dont feel he can. I think he is STILL hanging on to her. Which totally hurts me. I feel like I will NEVER be special like she was. Ok so fine, we go on..come valentines day he sends me no flowers, but he was nice enough to think of me and bought me a coffee cup with a cheesy teddy bear in it. This was very thoughtful but I felt like it was a quick pick gift to cover himself, I felt hurt because our first Valentines day should of been special, I cried like a baby when I didnt recieve any flowers at work. My heart was broken. So we reach our first year anniversary of being together...nothign....nothing at all...no card or anything. owell i say....I was just thinking in the past year the only thing this man has gotten for me, other than helpign me out, was a bed, cuz I needed one. Yes that is very sweet he wanted me to sleep good. But it hurts my feelings to think that she his former wife was so lavished with gifts of love and in one year I have nothign that was given to me by him to show how much he loves me, Never once been surprised with a little gift box on my pillow. WHATS WRONG WITH THIS...should i be ashamed of myself for feeling this? it hurts, i hurt cuz i feel like when she died that part of him went with her. When I bring this up, i feel bad, but he seems to turn it off and become numb to this, he says nothing. Its almost as if it died in him to be that way to another woman. He shuts off like a faucet, with not a drop dripping. Is this fair to me? Should I feel ashamed? why does this hurt me?....don't all woman feel good when there men buy them things? Part of me is ashamed, but part of me is hurt and angry. Do I have a right to feel this way?